Well, Readers, sometimes literature teaches us something about our own lives. I believe that God uses many forms of communication for personal growth, and because He crafted me and knows me so well, a popular form of communication between us is through the written word.
I was reading today in City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare. There are two characters in the book who love without that love being returned. So no spoilers are present, I will call them U1 (as in Unrequited 1) and U2 (because it's the name of an awesome band AND Unrequited 2).
U1 loves and knows it is pointless and keeps the love hidden. OOA1 (Object of Affection) doesn't have any idea about U1's affection. U2 loves with hope, confesses, finds love unrequited, and continues to hope although OOA2 clearly does not feel the same way.
I adore both U1 and U2, but U2 is quite possibly my ideal man. I cheer him on in every instance. Today, I said to myself, "Wow, U2. You're just a glutton for punishment. Way to be pathetic. She isn't even trying to take care of your little heart."
It's like I was talking to myself.
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Back Story:
Once upon a time, there was a very strong young woman who had never fallen in love. This woman had not fallen in love because she had secured around her a heart an icy wall. Her dearest friends were allowed brief passage through the wall. Some were even invited to stay for a while. Even fewer got to live beyond that icy wall, but it was always there.
Always present in every relationship.
During the summer of 2009, this woman made a best friend. This friend happened to be a young man. He was tall, pale, and handsome. He loved Jesus, read Harry Potter, caught ambiguous Star Wars references, worked out, swing-danced, and he played guitar. If you know NOTHING about our heroine, you must know: guitar-players are her kryptonite.
Woman and Best Friend were together every single day that summer. They would text, Facebook, talk on the phone, go out to eat, go dancing, go to church, or pray together even when they weren't working out or enjoying the yumminess that is Smoothie King.
They had a standing order.
One day, Best Friend talked to Woman about his impeding graduation and departure from town. Woman went home, walked into her bff/roomie's bedroom.
"I'm in love with Best Friend!" Roomie, in true Roomie-fashion said,
"Well of course you are. I've known for months."
To make a very long story a great deal shorter, he left. They kept in touch. He came to see her and made a point that they get time just the two of them because they were best friends. She invited Best Friend to a dance with all of their friends. He came. He did not dance with her. She wore polka dots and red lipstick and he did not dance with her.
Instead, he texted her later to ask the name of a pretty girl Woman had introduced him to.
She went home and wept on the bathroom floor. Roomie played with her hair while she cried. "There is a reason I put up that wall," she said. "He melted it with his warm heart and smile. I didn't even see it coming, and now he doesn't even see me."
From that day forward, she decided he would no longer mess with her that way. She did not initiate contact. She kept her distance in hope that feelings would go away, scars would heal, and moving on would occur.
Three days later he sent her a text about ordering pizza under the name "Voldemort." If you know anything else about this woman, you must know that
anything Harry Potter is her OTHER kryptonite.
Contact was again maintained for another few months.
Then it was December. Woman watched Love Actually one two many times. Woman wrote boy a letter, confessing her deep feelings. She also told boy that she knew he did not reciprocate, but that he must be more careful of her feelings in the future.
She mailed the letter.
She heard/said/did nothing involving Best Friend for two weeks.
Then, he invited her to his band's concert. She took this as a good sign, gathered her posse of Steel Magnolia/Southern Kardashian style lady friends, and went. He told her he wanted to meet for coffee the next day and spoke a great deal to Woman during the show.
They had the coffee. He said nothing except that he wanted her to never leave him.
A conversation occurred after that via Facebook and text because Woman finally stood up for herself.
Our heroine told him to leave her alone. Knowing how she felt, he had continued to trample her heart and get her hopes up and flirt with her. She couldn't take it any more.
He told her he didn't know what he would do without her. She was his best friend.
She told him she was sorry, but she had to do this in order to survive.
Woman told best friend that if/when she ever got ready to just be friends, she would let him know.
Eight months after that she saw him in a book store in a town where neither of them lived. Small talk ensued, but nothing more.
He sent text messages sometimes, and wrote on her wall, but she did not respond.
She tried to move on with her life in the hopes that her feelings would disappear or that she would move on.
She tried to move on with her life in the hopes that her feelings would disappear or that she would move on.
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This is my story. I have not seen him since October in the book store, but in less than three weeks, I will see him again at the wedding of a mutual friend.
I still love him. I still make excuses for him.
It is very difficult for me to see him as mean or cruel. Today, when I was reading, I saw how different the OOAs were in their treatment of the Us. OOA1 was ignorant, but had he known, would have been kind, most likely in a harsh and forthright manner. U2 knew, but selfishly loved OOA2 enough to keep him in her life and very close to her, even allowing him to kiss her and call her his girlfriend. It was comfortable for her. He was comfortable. She did not put his feelings first and kept him hoping because he was comfortable to her.
Hmmm...deja vu much?
This Litwit is currently dreading the wedding, but hopefully on her way to getting over it thanks to the powerful messages of life and love that exist in books. And, of course, all the love and support I've had from my closest friends during this entire ordeal.
Wish me luck and send up prayers. Guarding one's heart is difficult, especially in the face of the only person to melt the ice around said heart.
Love y'all,
The Litwit
